I CAN'T EXPLAIN & I WON'T EVEN TRY.

I CAME OUTTA WORK, TODAY A LITTLE AGGRAVATED IT'S TRUE WORKING AT MY JOB AT THE END YOU START GETTING CRAZY. I'M SURROUNDED BY WEIRDOS BUT YET I AM ONE TOO SO NEVER COMPLAINING. I'M CONTROLLING MY CRAZY SNAPPY MOOD SWINGS AND I FEEL YET SO DAMN HAPPY FOR MYSELF (pats herself on the back). BUT; THE NORMAL ROUTINE GET A RIDE HOME (mind you live 2 blocks away from my job hilarious) OPEN THE DOOR SAY HI, JUMP IN THE SHOWER BLAH BLAH BLAH , THEN MY COUSIN ARRIVES FROM JOGGING AT THE PARK. & TELL'S ME ABOUT HER BIZARRE DREAM IN, WHICH I WAS IN. I HAD JUST GAVE BIRTH TO A BABY (idk the sexxx) & IT WAS MARIO'S MY HUNNY'S BABY & MY Exxx CARLOS WAS CRYING. :( THAT REALLY DISTURBED ME LIKE WHY DID MY Exxx HAVE TO APPEAR IN SUCH A DREAM??? LIKE I'VE ALREADY BEEN THINKING ABOUT MY DAUGHTER THAT PASSED AWAY A YEAR AGO A COUPLE DAYS AGO & THEN I FIND OLD BLOGS THAT WERE NEVER FINISHED . . .

[ " New relationship's new adventures. . . ( sigh ) i'm loving them but why just why at night i catch myself having trouble to sleep , whispering goodnight carlos? goodnight dear friend? "/ damn times flying and i'm getting terrified am i losing him? Many ask me am i inlove with two men how can that be? i ask my self the same question constantly but is it love or lust? i never wanna hurt noone but lying , keeping my true feelings in is hurting two and i sit just damn i never ment for this to happen. . . one year officially me & carlos havent been together but; cant shake him. lately having dreams of us living in our old apartment , then other dreams with him dying waking up in a zillion tears i feel so guilty but then wake up like why when i couldnt show my face for 3 months due to it being physically fucked up , embarrisment , god but that no longer haunts me he haunts me his love our memories i want them back but mario mario mario. . he dosent deserve me to abandon him and pick up where i left off damn but i miss my baby my all justttttttttttt ughhh this life is soo complicated or am i making it that way? but why the fxck is carlos all "]
( I DIDNT FINISH IT I WONDER WHY MOST LIKELY WAS IN A ZILLION TEARS wow this is OLDDDD!!!!)
FUNNY THING IT'S BECAUSE I REMEMBER THIS EXACT SAME DAY I WAS FEELING LIKE THIS =/ HE REMAINS HAUNTING ME BUT; AT THE END I'LL ALWAYS LOVE HIM AS A PERSON AND NEVER REGRET MEETING HIM ALTHOUGH HE CAUSED SO MUCH PAIN IN MY HEART LIFE GOES ON AND WHEN IT POURS IT POURS BUT; THEN COMES SUNSHINE & THAT MY HUNNYPOOH MARIO. <3